My disability means that I’m in a lot of pain almost all the time, including during sex. How can I help my partner understand this?

It is difficult to explain major pain – the sense of urgency it causes and its after-effects – to someone who has never felt it. So rather than trying to make your partner understand the experience of pain, try and explain the effects it has. For example, explain how the pain affects your mood and body in terms of sexual arousal. Discuss how while this doesn’t mean you don’t want to have sex, the terms of the experience may have to be adjusted around your pain. If your pain is sporadic and can occur in the middle of a sexual act, your partner may feel like he or she is responsible for it. It’s important to talk through these feelings of guilt.